Clean Jokes

Annoyed driver to patrolman who has pulled her over:  "Why can't you people get organized?  One day you take my license away, and the next day you ask to see it."

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.  The interviewer decides to start with the basics.  "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!". [Quite Fast- C.]

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.  "And can you tell us your height, please?".

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag.  She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head.  She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!". [Understandable :) - C.]

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics.  "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name
please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "That's just me running through, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ."

When the family returned from Sunday morning service father criticised the sermon, daughter thought the choir's singing was atrocious, and mother found fault with the organist's playing.  The small boy of the family piped up, "But it was a good show for a quarter, don't you think, Dad?"

By the time our children are old enough not to say or do anything in public to disgrace us, they have reached an age when the things we do and say embarrass them.

"Just in case you think the FBI is not on the job, I have received a true intercept (and this is not made up...it is not Saturday Night Live) that the FBI made of itself while conducting an investigation in San Diego.  It was sent to me by a friend of mine who used to be with counterintelligence in Washington, D.C.  It is called "The FBI Pizza Call."  FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.  After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up quite an appetite.  The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.  The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping the hospital."

Agent:  "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda."

Pizza Man:  "And where would you like them delivered?"

Agent:  "We're over at the psychiatric hospital."

Pizza Man:  "To the psychiatric hospital?"

Agent:  "That's right.  I'm an FBI agent."

Pizza Man:  "You're an FBI agent?"

Agent:  "That's correct.  Just about everybody here is."

Pizza Man:  "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?"

Agent:  "That's correct.  And make sure you don't go through the front doors.  We have them locked.  You will have to go around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas."

Pizza Man:  "And you say you're all FBI agents?"

Agent:  "That's right.  How soon can you have them here?"

Pizza Man:  "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?"

Agent:  "That's right.  We've been here all day, and we're starving."

Pizza Man:  "How are you going to pay for all of this?"

Agent:  "I have my checkbook right here."

Pizza Man:  "And you're all FBI agents?"

Agent:  "That's right.  Everyone here is an FBI agent.  Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear?  We have the front doors locked."

Pizza Man: "I don't think so."

An executive of a large Corporation recently bought his first Rolls Royce. For weeks he spoke of little else.

One day, as he finished a round of golf at his Country Club, he learned that a fellow member needed a ride to the city.

Delighted at the chance to show off his new purchase, he offered the stranger a lift.

"I suppose you've never ridden in a Rolls Royce before," he said somewhat condescendingly.

"Well," replied the passenger rather dryly, "Never in the front seat."

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